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"Hot Chinese Ringtones"

Looking for hot free Chinese ringtone downloads?

Read this first, please:

So there I was, not even out of the airport yet after on my most recent trip to China when it started: The Attack of the Hot Chinese Ringtones.

In the circles I move in, most people over the age of 26 use normal, default ringtones for their phones, maybe one beep for "Home," two beeps for "Office," and so on. Boring stuff, you might say, but that gets the job done of saying, "You have a call," no more, no less.

When people have something else running as their ringtone—say, a Shakira ringtone, or worse, a Guns N' Roses ringtone—I cringe. Usually, though, the folks who have chosen these are teenage girls, young gay men, or...or..well, that's about it, now that I think about it. Fine, OK, whatever.

But it's different in China.

There you'll see middle-aged businessmen with ringtones from their favorite Chinese pop stars blaring out when they get a call. It's almost disturbing. "I'm Mr. Chinese Fat Cat! But I've got a sappy Faye Wong ringtone if my wife calls, and a cutesy Xiang Xiang ringtone if my mistress calls. Tai Bang Le!"

It's one of the strangest phenomenon I've ever seen, sort of the ringtone equivalent of grown men wearing Barbie slippers or Hello Kitty mittens because they think it makes them hip and cool.

Uh, it doesn't, guys, it doesn't.

But the next time I head to China, I'm going to pre-program two ringtones in my phone out of spite.

For "Home," the ringtone will be "San Min Chu I"; for "Office," I'll be programming "Kimigayo"—the national anthems of Taiwan and Japan, respectively.

Should make for some interesting conversation starters....

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